I don't know

I sat in front of the dining table, before me sat the bowl soup I just spent the last hour or so making. I grip the spoon, fill it and brought it toward my mouth. As soon as it hits my mouth, I lose all feeling of hunger. I let it sit in my mouth for a few seconds before chewing, and finally swallowing. I know I like this soup. I had it many time before, and this time it had all of my favorite ingredients. I am supposed to like it, instead I taste nothing. Nothing but its temperature. I look down at the bowl, watching the steam rise from the bowl, and evaporating into nothingness. I put down the spoon, and walk away from the table.
"I can't do this", I thought to myself.
My head sinks into my palms, emptiness fulfills me.
I pick up the phone and call Aaron.

Half an hour later I'm sitting in my car with Aaron, parked outside of Johnny's Hamburgers with a Gigantic burger, a box of fries, and a box of onion rings. The radio is on, we listen to some bullshit song by somebody called "Adam Lambert", before switching to Classical 96.3FM. I should of brought my Young Jeezy CD that I purchased yesterday at Fairview Mall.
I don't know what happened, I feel very emotional.
The restaurant had a mirror mounted on the wall, and I was reminded what a big boy I am when comparing to everyone else. I looked like some juice monkey who just came from the gym looking to load up on protein and carbs.
I thanked Aaron for coming out from Richmond Hill, and after a few minutes of chatting, he left. I came back into the restaurant to order some Fish & Chips.
"Hungry huh?" The guy behind the counter said. I scuffed at him, but said nothing.

An Unfamiliar Place

I am fueled by emotions. The most powerful of those emotions are anger, jealousy, and spite. Although I was taught to be a master of my emotions, they still influence strongly over the decisions I make. The decisions are all well thought out, and consciously made regardless of whether it demands haste, or are given the luxury of time. The point is, I feel a certain way, and it affects my actions.
At least this was the way up until now.

Lately, I have been introduced to some situations, and made privy to certain information which would have once caused me to boil up inside, and most likely erupt in a total fit. However, this was not the case. Instead, I was unable to conjure any genuine feelings. I know that I dislike it, I know I am supposed to be disappointed, but I feel nothing.
This seems to only apply to the things I would have once been driven to hysteria over, the things that I would have cared most. Instead of feeling overly angry, or unreasonably jealous....nothing.
Could this be maturity? Maybe I am at a stage of my life that I am beginning to adopt an adult like view towards the undesirable. But that doesn't make sense, because it should mean that only my decision making process is changed, not my emotional receptors. I feel that I already have an adult perspective on most matters, and I don't believe that maturity means being numb.
Perhaps it's nothing else, something much worse.
Emotions put me in the position where I am able to make conscious decisions, this is what I am good at. But if I feel nothing, I am unable to determine whether the decisions made are completely competent, or sane.
I can control my emotions. Controlling emptiness, I might not be able to do that.

Status Quo

I finally got the chance to use Christian Bale's "Seriously, we're fucking done, professionally!" Bloody exhilarating to say to someone. Inhale, exhale.

I got flowers, first time in my life. Two bouquets of pink tulips which supposedly took Tia half a day, and four flower shops to find. My favorite flowers wasn't in season, but the simple gesture was overwhelming. Just the other day I was thinking to myself, because who I am, nobody would ever think to give me flowers, or Tiffany's. After receiving the flowers, I remembered that I did get a gift from Tiffany's a few years back. Fantasy fulfilled I guess.

Panorama, there hasn't been once that I have not been met with a dickhead Maitre'D. I swear, the next time I'm there, I'm just going to steal the menu, since it contains all the mixes for their drinks.

Anyway.
Social politics, does nobody take the time to study this anymore?
Am I living in a society so obsessed with promoting generic equilibrium?
Why the fuck is everyone I meet such a Goddamn liberal?
Has everyone forgotten their place? Or is this the curse of the middle-class?
An acquaintance asked me the most absurd question the other day.
"You want a classy wife?" Un-understandingly.
"You don't?" Condescendingly.
His question forced me to realize how disgustingly tolerant our society has become. It's absolutely filthy. This conjures unspeakable disgust within me. How can anyone ask me that question? One's partner is a representation of himself, how can anyone possibly be indifferent to the upbringing of their representative?
Down to earth, fun loving, spiritual woman who speaks her mind....this is my nightmare.
I am terrified.